Love, Loss, & Life 2.0

The last few months have really zipped by.  We’ve been settling into our new routine and learning what works and what doesn’t.  The kids continue to amaze me with their resiliance and positive attitudes.  They’re crying alot less and I truly believe we’re all healing;  since God is supplying the grace we need to move forward.    Enter Life 2.0.  In so many ways, we’re starting completely over again.

Last night, Brooklyn sensed I was sad so while I was giving the twins their bath, she put together a surprise for me.  After drying the kids off and doing the bedtime routines she led me into the dining room (with eyes closed and everything).  There on the table stood a plate with Swiss Cake Rolls, hot chocolate with marshmallows, candy canes, and a couple Hershey’s kisses.  Next to neatly folded napkin and spoon was a little letter scratched out on Post-It-Notes telling me how much she loves me and what a good Dad I am.  More importantly, there was her special little picture of Lindy she keeps on her nightstand.  She knew I needed that time to stop.  We cried together.  It was a poignant moment I’ll never forget.

Brooklyn's Surprise

Thank you to all who donated money in Lindy’s honor to the kid’s education fund.  I was able to invest $18,000 into their 529 college savings account.  This will bless the kids down the road in such a meaningful way.  Lindy would’ve liked that a whole bunch.

enter life 2.0

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What’s Happening

It’s been a while since I wrote anything here. Writing things down makes me think too deeply and I try not to do that. Thinking hurts.

The last few months have been devoted to my kids and creating as normal environment as I can for them. We talk about Heaven and we’re reading several books together about it (Someday Heaven is very good). It’s amazing to hear their questions and know how well they’re processing.

We’re working through the grief together and I’m awkwardly learning how to wear both Mom and Dad hats. I’m getting used to doing three things at once when I’m home and there’s rarely a dull moment. If it’s not on the Google Calendar, it’s not happening. The wash machine is no longer a foreign object.

I’m extremely thankful for the technology tools that make life more organized and “jump start” my brain cells. I’m equally thankful for all those that help support me and my family; for I can’t imagine trying to do this alone. We are blessed beyond measure.

A few weekends ago, the kids and I went up to Boyne Mountain Resort and stayed for a few days. There were a lot of happy times and a few sad times too. Lindy and I went there last year together and there were so many fresh memories there for me. Brooklyn, Max and Samantha loved the Avalanche Bay waterpark and I only lost Max once there (sorry Lindy).

I’m having quilts made from some of Lindy’s favorite clothes. There’s a ministry in Zeeland called Living Threads that hand makes them. Proceeds from the quilts benefit kids in Africa. I’ll post some images when the quilts are completed.

I wish you all a very blessed Christmas season.

Maxwell, Brooklyn and Samantha Ver Beek - November 2012

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5 Minus 1

For those that shared Lindy’s funeral with us, they’ll understand when I say that it a beautiful experience. Her funeral was the most moving, spiritual experience I have ever had. “Spiritual” and “funeral” may not be words people would typically use in the same sentence, but I will. The service was a powerful earthly crescendo fitting for a person that forever changed anyone she touched. The following day, we laid her to rest with the morning fall sun shining bright against the green grass, flowers and fresh morning dew. She would’ve liked that.

I never quite understood the ‘Til Eternity’ inscription Lindy had engraved inside my wedding band before we were married. The ‘Til’ word threw me. I expected to see ‘For Eternity’, not ‘Til Eternity’. The day she passed away I finally got it. Our time here was cut short, but we’ll have eternity together in paradise. I read this now as a reminder that I just have to wait ‘Til Eternity’ to be with her once again. She’ll see me there.

On Friday, it will be four weeks since she passed away. In many ways it feels far longer, in other ways, I’m still waiting for her to come back through the door. Oh, what I would give for that. Most every night she appears in my dreams. I wake up happier when I get to dream of her.

Brooklyn, Max and Samantha are doing quite well considering all that’s happened. They each grieve at different times and we work through those times looking at pictures of Lindy, watching home movies or listening to her read a book (recordable books are wonderful). It’s comforting to the kids to hear their Mom’s voice. It’s comforting for me to hear her voice too. Lindy left a treasure of things for them to remember her by.

The kids will be celebrating birthdays this month. The twins will be four and Brooklyn will be nine. I’m so proud of who they are and look forward to seeing what they become. Lindy’s legacy will live on in them. This whole experience has drawn us closer; and as Brooklyn says “we’re 5 minus 1 now” – a family of 4. We miss the 1 so much. ‘Til eternity’…

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Until Eternity…

Our beautiful Lindy, age 35, passed away peacefully surrounded by her family, September 14, 2012. Thank you for praying for her and our family during this incredibly difficult time. We celebrate Lindy’s homecoming and victory over her cancer battle, but we hurt so much.

A funeral service to honor Lindy’s faith and life will be held at 6:30 pm, Tuesday, September 18, 2012, at Haven Christian Reformed Church, 541 Alice Street, Zeeland. The Rev. Art Van Wolde and Rev. Scott Van Oostendorp will officiate. Visitation will be 12:00-2:00 and 6:00-8:00 pm, Monday, September 17, 2012 at the Yntema Funeral home, 251 S. State Street, Zeeland. Burial will be in Zeeland Cemetery.

Memorials may be made to the Ver Beek Children Education Fund (may be made at any Macatawa Bank).

Posted in Coming to Terms, Feelings | 8 Comments