Our home is covered in a chemo haze. So what does that mean?
For me, it’s like having to play a football game with my star quarterback injured and on the bench. I’m out on the field of life trying to keep the ball in the air and everyone moving to the goal line. Meanwhile, life situations and the devil are trying to sack me. I can’t afford to get sacked. I have to keep life going for the family. I must make life as normal as possible for the kids despite extraordinary circumstances. Those that have gone through chemotherapy or had a loved one go through it will understand what I mean. Those that have not, you can take my word for it; chemo royally sucks for everyone involved.
Lindy is feeling progressively worse as the chemo drugs build up in her system. Normal activities are exhausting and overwhelming. She has about two “descent” days a week, the rest are a challenge to get through. If the cancer doesn’t kill you the chemo will. It’s tough to see her like this, but it also lends hope that the drugs are doing something. Pain makes progress (I heard this saying once). Our prayer is that the experimental chemo drug will rid the cancer from her brain and lungs. We should find out if the trial is working the week of Thanksgiving when she has the full scans done.
Our eight year old is processing everything that’s going on around her.
I hate that we have to talk about this; it’s not fair for a little girl to worry about these things.
Right before bed the other night:
Brooklyn: “Is mommy going to die?”
Me: {Stomach drop and pause} “…We all die sometime honey, only God knows when He is going to take us.”
Brooklyn: “I don’t want her to die, I need my mommy.”
Me: “I know honey; I need your mommy too.”
Brooklyn: “Well if God takes mommy I’ll be real mad at Him.”
Me: {Pause} “…Mommy is fighting her hardest to stay with us” “Try to go to sleep and not think about it.”
Fight Like A Girl. I see this all over. Sweatshirts, t-shirts, hats, blogs, cancer websites, you name it, this slogan/battle cry is printed on it. I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t get the whole “Fight Like A Girl” concept until today. Before, I thought that the saying was kind of an oxymoron. On the bus, a common “put down” for a rival boy was that he “fights like a girl”. It wasn’t a nice label. Everyone would laugh and point their fingers at the recipient of that saying. Let’s just say it wasn’t a saying used with a compliment in mind.
