A Beginning of Everything

Sometimes in life there are wonderful moments that take your breath away—a pivotal time that you know is huge. I had one of those moments when I met Amy. When I laid eyes on her that day, I knew that my heart was ready to be filled again; butterflies in the stomach and all. Let’s just say we caught each other completely off-guard. Both lonely, both hurting, neither one of us were expecting much beyond someone to hang out with. Little did we know we weren’t good for anyone except each other.

Meeting Amy when I did (and how I did) was purely a God-thing. She’s brought me and the kids so much joy and has taught us how to love again. My kids are blessed by her and we are blessed by her boys, Isaac (age 10) and Levi (age 7). I am deeply in love with her and she is with me – it’s a beautiful relationship. I understand and am sensitive that some may not be on board with this step in my life, but I need to assure you that we could not be happier. We look forward to what the future holds for our family.

I will always love and cherish Lindy; my decision to get married now does not mean that I did not love her enough or am discounting our love in anyway. Lindy will always be in my heart until the day I die. We had a very special love and went through some very tough times together. She and I had many conversations about me “moving on” before she passed away. She always told me to “move on” with life and marry a nice woman that could help nurture the kids. Not in a million years would I have guessed that someone would enter our lives this soon, but I can tell you that I had her complete and full blessing. Lindy always knew that I needed someone in my life – it’s how I’m wired.

For those of you that our parents, you’ll understand this simple analogy. When you have your first child you never believe you could love your next child as much as the first. It seems absolutely incomprehensible. Then, the second child is born and you quickly realize that your heart grows. You can love someone else without taking away love from the other. So too, my heart has grown.

On August 2, 2013 Amy and I were married in Jamaica. Life is good. Call me a romantic, but I believe in happy endings.

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Semi-colon

Semi-colonThis week will mark the six-month anniversary of Lindy’s passing.  How are we?  Well, we’re smiling more when we remember her and crying a lot less.  Each day that goes by, we get a little better.  Life will never, ever be the same for us, but we’re embracing the future with more hope than grief now.  We lived, we stopped living, now we’re moving forward again.  A large semi-colon called cancer placed a huge period and now a comma in our lives.  And, with hope comes new possibilities and a renewed sense of who we are as a family of five minus the one.

Now, I am trying to re-find myself.  Who am I?  I lost who I was many years ago.  The illness, care-giving and caring for the kids and about everything else wore me down to the point where I couldn’t find joy in anything.  I realize this now as I am healing and finding that joy and happiness back.  Looking back now, I’m so thankful that I’m at a place where I can see that.  There appears to be a light at the end of the long, dark tunnel.

Lindy told me she wanted me to move on with my life.  I thank God that she and I were able to have those gut-wrenching conversations while she was still here.  I would hold her and sob telling her that I couldn’t do it alone.  She would assure me that the kids and I would be okay.  I can still hear her on her deathbed reassuring me as she slipped away.  You know, she was right – I am (we are) doing it (thanks to a large supporting cast).  The semi-colon says stop, breathe and then start again.  To me, the semi-colon is a poetic symbol for the story of our lives.

Posted in Coming to Terms, Feelings, Grieving, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

Reflection

I can finally show this publicly.  This image was taken the day we put Lindy to rest, 9/19/2012.  I show this as a testament to the beauty of the day and the peacefulness of the morning.

Lindys Burial September 19, 2012

Posted in Feelings, Grieving | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

A Walk Alone

Walk_Alone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes an image speaks more than words ever could.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Posted in Coming to Terms, Feelings | 5 Comments